Vernon Davis retired in a ‘Golden Girls’ homage with Gronk and James Harrison

Vernon Davis unassumingly and delightfully announced his retirement on Super Bowl Sunday, in an homage to Golden Girls co-starring Rob Gronkowski, James Harrison and “Miss Cheryl.”

That lede is a big bowl of word soup, so you better watch the video before we go any further.

Just by paying loving tribute to one of the most heartwarming TV shows in human history, this video’s baseline greatness is high. Then it layers on the charm bit by bit. Some thoughts:

1. Miss Cheryl seems like a lovely lady, and I hope her backstory is never ever revealed and we forever have only this.


2. About 10 seconds after announcing that he is a retiring from a career that encompassed 15 years, 583 receptions, 7,562 yards, 63 touchdowns and a Super Bowl ring — a decision he confirmed Monday — Davis made this face.

3. James Harrison, even in the midst of an easy, breezy bit of hijinks, cannot and will not stop scowling, and it’s very likely no one even asked him to.

4. He does smile once, just after pushing Gronk in the pool, a moment I choose to believe he ad-libbed based on Davis’ reaction. Again, no one would dare say they had a problem with this.

5. Gronk absolutely didn’t understand what Bea Arthur was doing and actually tried to eat his own hand.

6. Speaking of which, if we’re going by personality, Gronk definitely should be Betty White and Harrison should be Arthur. Davis is perfect as Rue McClanahan, however.

7. Very excited to see this crew do Scooby Doo next.

8. Anyway, this video is great especially because it will be a trillion times less obnoxious than whatever Tom Brady is planning today, retiring or no.

9. Davis’ retirement is a lot different from his brother Vontae’s, who just up and ditched the Bills in the middle of a game, which was its own kind of wonderful.

10. Vernon Davis was an impossibly large, impossibly fast, almost untouchably great NFL tight end for a time, and this casual slip into a life of goofs and ease is both life-affirming and inspirational. Enjoy your yams.

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